Adults cry too. And sometimes they do not even know what to do next. Today, Ukrainians as a nation and a people have been forced to grow up more than many others. Yet even though the human psyche is capable of adapting to most life circumstances, many of us are now united by a sense of exhaustion, despair, and loss of faith.

The feeling that “everything is lost” can sometimes resemble a pandemic: like a virus, it spreads through words and messages and destroys our belief in a better future. Along with that belief, it also undermines our attempts to change our situation.

Today, this state is known among Ukrainians as the “dying pit.” Does it have anything to do with psychology, and how can we pull ourselves out of such a pit? We asked psychotherapist Nadiia Martyniuk.

What Does the Term “Dying Pit” Mean?

Jokes among Ukrainians about the “dying pit” began to circulate after Donald Trump’s first statements as president during his second term. The reason was their content. After the Biden administration, which, though restrained, was nevertheless consistent and unambiguous, the political roller coaster under Trump gave us little hope for productive cooperation between the two countries.

However, such jokes originally came from the animated film Madagascar. The giraffe Melman, expecting to die from an illness that he did not actually have, dug himself a “dying hole” and climbed into it. In the end, the character survived and successfully appeared in later installments of the story.

According to Nadiia Martyniuk, humor itself has become one of the mechanisms that helps us cope with bad news.

“I would prefer to discuss the phenomenon of the ‘dying pit’ separately. We can describe it as a mixture of certain disorders that a person may experience simultaneously.

In particular, it may be a manifestation of PTSD. Each person goes through this experience differently – it depends on their psychological resources, genetic predisposition, past experiences, and so on.

A person may hide, run away, or act. At the beginning of the war, most people acted – they joined the military, volunteered, and helped others. But over time, the psyche becomes exhausted, and the opposite reaction may emerge – we want to hide under a blanket, avoid contact with anyone, and do nothing.

For some, this period is easier; for others, it is much harder. Everything depends on a person’s experience, the family in which they grew up, and whether they experienced trauma in the past. These factors influence resilience, courage, willpower, spirit, and so on.

If a psychological problem is left untreated, it can progress. When our broader context is added on top of it, people may begin to feel increasingly unwell.

What symptoms may indicate that a person is in such a state?

“Sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, or, conversely, a constant desire to eat; loss of enthusiasm and energy; and loss of interest in life. In severe cases, there may even be suicide attempts.

Of course, this affects every area of a person’s life. At some point, a person may lose touch with meaning and with an understanding of the value of life – not only their own life, but also the lives of those around them.”

This is all about a person’s inner feelings. But if we are talking about someone close to us, how can we recognize this state and help them?

“Until a person wants help themselves, you will not be able to help them. You should not switch into ‘rescuer mode.’ In fact, this can amount to a form of coercion.

Changes can be seen in a person’s behavior: they may lose interest in communication or, conversely, because of anxiety, constantly need to communicate with others.”

How does the news affect our mental state?

“Of course, anything inappropriate or unjust said about us will provoke outrage. What happens when a person hears information that is ‘too heavy’ for them? They may simply be unable to process it.

A sense of helplessness and uncertainty may develop, along with thoughts such as: ‘Something is wrong with me.’

Or we may begin looking for someone onto whom we can shift responsibility for our thoughts and feelings. Then we move into a more infantile position, thinking: ‘I am powerless, I cannot change anything,’ or ‘My voice does not matter.’

Emotional reactions can also be triggered – tears, anger, and so on. For example, we may have had some hope, but then it is taken away from us, and emotionally we find ourselves ‘in a pit.’

The brain may then begin recalling previous times when things were difficult. Flashbacks may appear – memories of losing someone or something, along with the fear that it will happen again.

It is very difficult to ignore the news. We cannot simply ‘sweep it under the rug’; we have to face it all the time,” Nadiia Martyniuk concludes.

How to Help Yourself: Advice from a Psychotherapist

According to the psychotherapist, what we think affects how we feel. And what we feel affects how we act.

“Everything in our body is very closely connected. Our experiences, in particular, affect our hormones.

Our body is a system made up of many smaller mechanisms. They are all interconnected. Imagine that one of the four wheels of a car is turned the wrong way – you will not get very far. The same is true of our body.

To endure such unstable times, we need more dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. Serotonin can be regulated through proper nutrition. Dopamine can be supported through movement, exercise, and doing things that are useful for ourselves and others. The simplest option is physical activity.

Communication with other people who can support and encourage us can also help stabilize our emotional state.

Whenever thoughts arise that everything is going badly, it is worth keeping this in mind: they told us the same thing a year ago, two years ago, three years ago – and yet we are still holding on,” the psychotherapist emphasizes.

Nadiia Martyniuk adds that in critical moments people often tend to believe in something higher and greater than themselves. For some, this may be God.

She therefore advises finding new sources of meaning and like-minded people who will strengthen our belief in a better future rather than destabilize our convictions.

“The same applies to social engagement. If there is time and opportunity, it is worth joining social projects where people help one another, children, or animals.

You can also seek professional help from a therapist. A therapist is not simply a friend, but a trained professional who can provide expert support.

I always remind people about such an important tool as breathing. Through breathing, we can calm ourselves down – but we can also intensify our state.

Recently, I came across a study by researchers examining the life of Johann Sebastian Bach. During his lifetime, he lost two wives and 11 children.

How did he cope and continue not only to live, but also to create? Note by note,” the psychotherapist concludes.

Source: vikna.tv